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gf: babe come over

me: i can’t my house is on fire

gf: i’m horny and wanna suck your dic..



my life became 600% better when i started acting like a self obsessed piece of shit like 10/10 would recommend

even if u don’t actually genuinely love yourself its fuckin fun to act like you think you’re the human embodiment of perfection go on try it life’s too short to not fall in love with yourself

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"its britney bitch"
-the bible (leviticus 7:58)

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"jinkies i lost my glasses!"
-velma in every fucking episode of scooby doo like damn bitch get contacts (via nerkmid)